The funny corner
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Re: The funny corner
This is actually quite funny. Tony Adams first training session at new club Granada!
Take a look at this Tweet:
Take a look at this Tweet:
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Re: The funny corner
I like jokes about eyes ... the cornea the better!
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Re: The funny corner
Fred the Texas farmer was in court with a claim against a lorry driver who crashed into him:
Lorry drivers attorney - "Fred at the scene you told the Highway Patrol Officer you were and I quote "fine" and now you are here claiming for injuries totalling $100,000. Did you tell the Officer you were fine.
Farmer Fred - Well I was taking Daisy my favourite donkey.....
Attorney - "I'm sorry, you said you were fine is that not correct?"
Farmer Fred - Well I had just got Daisy loaded onto my truck and.....
Attorney - "Just answer with a yes or no please! Did you say you were fine?"
Farmer Fred - "Well I set off with Daisy to her favourite field ....
Attorney -"Your Honour, can you please instruct the witness to answer with a simple yes or no answer!"
Judge - I'd like to hear the farmers side if you don't mind, carry on therefore farmer Fred.
Farmer Fred - "Thank you your honour. Well as I got to the junction with the highway I stopped at the traffic lights and all of a sudden I was rear ended by a large lorry driven by that man. My truck was shoved over the highway and I was thrown into a ditch and poor Daisy was thrown into another one. "
Judge - "Go on."
Farmer Fred - "I was really sore and couldn't get up, I could hear Daisy making terrible noises and I just knew she was in a really bad way. I tried to get up but I was too sore."
Attorney - "Your honour please!"
Judge - "No carry on farmer Fred"
Farmer Fred - "Poor Daisy was making such a din and I couldn't get over to help her and then this Highway Patrol Officer pulled up and walked over to Daisy I saw the gleeful look of horror on his face ... and then ... (sob, sob) ... he pulled out his revolver and shot poor Daisy.
Judge - "my my, that was a terrible thing he had to do"
Farmer fred - "Yes it was, but then would you believe, he came over to me and asked, hey old fella, are you ok?" Well what would you have said?"
Lorry drivers attorney - "Fred at the scene you told the Highway Patrol Officer you were and I quote "fine" and now you are here claiming for injuries totalling $100,000. Did you tell the Officer you were fine.
Farmer Fred - Well I was taking Daisy my favourite donkey.....
Attorney - "I'm sorry, you said you were fine is that not correct?"
Farmer Fred - Well I had just got Daisy loaded onto my truck and.....
Attorney - "Just answer with a yes or no please! Did you say you were fine?"
Farmer Fred - "Well I set off with Daisy to her favourite field ....
Attorney -"Your Honour, can you please instruct the witness to answer with a simple yes or no answer!"
Judge - I'd like to hear the farmers side if you don't mind, carry on therefore farmer Fred.
Farmer Fred - "Thank you your honour. Well as I got to the junction with the highway I stopped at the traffic lights and all of a sudden I was rear ended by a large lorry driven by that man. My truck was shoved over the highway and I was thrown into a ditch and poor Daisy was thrown into another one. "
Judge - "Go on."
Farmer Fred - "I was really sore and couldn't get up, I could hear Daisy making terrible noises and I just knew she was in a really bad way. I tried to get up but I was too sore."
Attorney - "Your honour please!"
Judge - "No carry on farmer Fred"
Farmer Fred - "Poor Daisy was making such a din and I couldn't get over to help her and then this Highway Patrol Officer pulled up and walked over to Daisy I saw the gleeful look of horror on his face ... and then ... (sob, sob) ... he pulled out his revolver and shot poor Daisy.
Judge - "my my, that was a terrible thing he had to do"
Farmer fred - "Yes it was, but then would you believe, he came over to me and asked, hey old fella, are you ok?" Well what would you have said?"
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Re: The funny corner
Spoke to an old classmate of mine from years ago t'other day, I asked what he was doing now, he replied
"I'm working on a project involving aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment"
I was really impressed!
However, upon further enquiry I learned that he was ... washing the dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision!
-----------------------------------
My boss said to me, “You're the worst train driver I have ever known. How many have you derailed this year?”
I said, “I'm not sure, it's hard to keep track.”
"I'm working on a project involving aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment"
I was really impressed!
However, upon further enquiry I learned that he was ... washing the dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision!
-----------------------------------
My boss said to me, “You're the worst train driver I have ever known. How many have you derailed this year?”
I said, “I'm not sure, it's hard to keep track.”
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Re: The funny corner
Ipswich Town - Bryan Gunn's Classic Airkick
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Re: The funny corner
daib0 wrote:
Ipswich Town - Bryan Gunn's Classic Airkick
Kindly deeds done for free!
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Re: The funny corner
oouch!
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Re: The funny corner
Darlow could have his own blooper reel this season in fairness.
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Re: The funny corner
He's made about 4 mistakes? One of which he recovered amazingly.ALF wrote:Darlow could have his own blooper reel this season in fairness.
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Re: The funny corner
4's quite a lot for one goalkeeper over a season. Especially as they've all been pretty spectacular.MultipleJesuses wrote:He's made about 4 mistakes? One of which he recovered amazingly.ALF wrote:Darlow could have his own blooper reel this season in fairness.
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Re: The funny corner
Result today:daib0 wrote:This is actually quite funny. Tony Adams first training session at new club Granada!
Take a look at this Tweet:
Real Sociedad 2 - 1 Granada
Granada are mathmatically relegated to the second tier. Well, that didn't work out, did it?
Shame Osasuna also go down though, they've got fantastic support. Third team almost surely to be Sporting Gijon from Asturias
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Re: The funny corner
My mate hired an eastern European as a cleaner, took her ten hours to do the hoovering.
- Turns out she's a Slovak...
- Turns out she's a Slovak...
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Re: The funny corner
My mate said he was listening to 'Lub Tropicana' the other day. I said to him "surely you mean Club Tropicana", but he argued the toss that it was 'Lub'. A quick Google search proved I was correct and when I told him he replied "Well all that's missing is the C."
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Re: The funny corner
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Re: The funny corner
GOALKEEPER plays being 'dead' ...
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Re: The funny corner
My mate David is a victim of ID theft.
Now we just call him ‘Dav’ ...
Now we just call him ‘Dav’ ...
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Re: The funny corner
That's awfuldaib0 wrote:My mate David is a victim of ID theft.
Now we just call him ‘Dav’ ...
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Re: The funny corner
Children Are Quick
____________________________________
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Jim , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
JIM : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
____________________________________
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Jim , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
JIM : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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