The funny corner

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sat Apr 15, 2017 8:42 pm

This is actually quite funny. Tony Adams first training session at new club Granada!

Take a look at this Tweet:
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sat Apr 22, 2017 10:09 am

I like jokes about eyes ... the cornea the better!
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Wed Apr 26, 2017 7:18 pm

Fred the Texas farmer was in court with a claim against a lorry driver who crashed into him:

Lorry drivers attorney - "Fred at the scene you told the Highway Patrol Officer you were and I quote "fine" and now you are here claiming for injuries totalling $100,000. Did you tell the Officer you were fine.

Farmer Fred - Well I was taking Daisy my favourite donkey.....

Attorney - "I'm sorry, you said you were fine is that not correct?"

Farmer Fred - Well I had just got Daisy loaded onto my truck and.....

Attorney - "Just answer with a yes or no please! Did you say you were fine?"

Farmer Fred - "Well I set off with Daisy to her favourite field ....

Attorney -"Your Honour, can you please instruct the witness to answer with a simple yes or no answer!"

Judge - I'd like to hear the farmers side if you don't mind, carry on therefore farmer Fred.

Farmer Fred - "Thank you your honour. Well as I got to the junction with the highway I stopped at the traffic lights and all of a sudden I was rear ended by a large lorry driven by that man. My truck was shoved over the highway and I was thrown into a ditch and poor Daisy was thrown into another one. "
Judge - "Go on."

Farmer Fred - "I was really sore and couldn't get up, I could hear Daisy making terrible noises and I just knew she was in a really bad way. I tried to get up but I was too sore."

Attorney - "Your honour please!"

Judge - "No carry on farmer Fred"

Farmer Fred - "Poor Daisy was making such a din and I couldn't get over to help her and then this Highway Patrol Officer pulled up and walked over to Daisy I saw the gleeful look of horror on his face ... and then ... (sob, sob) ... he pulled out his revolver and shot poor Daisy.

Judge - "my my, that was a terrible thing he had to do"

Farmer fred - "Yes it was, but then would you believe, he came over to me and asked, hey old fella, are you ok?" Well what would you have said?"
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:30 pm

Spoke to an old classmate of mine from years ago t'other day, I asked what he was doing now, he replied
"I'm working on a project involving aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment"
I was really impressed!
However, upon further enquiry I learned that he was ... washing the dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision!


-----------------------------------


My boss said to me, “You're the worst train driver I have ever known. How many have you derailed this year?”

I said, “I'm not sure, it's hard to keep track.”
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Thu Apr 27, 2017 9:05 pm



Ipswich Town - Bryan Gunn's Classic Airkick




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Re: The funny corner

Post by biggeordiedave » Thu Apr 27, 2017 9:23 pm

daib0 wrote:

Ipswich Town - Bryan Gunn's Classic Airkick




Kindly deeds done for free!

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri Apr 28, 2017 9:04 am

oouch!
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Re: The funny corner

Post by ALF » Fri Apr 28, 2017 1:36 pm

Darlow could have his own blooper reel this season in fairness.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by MultipleJesuses » Fri Apr 28, 2017 10:12 pm

ALF wrote:Darlow could have his own blooper reel this season in fairness.
He's made about 4 mistakes? One of which he recovered amazingly.
Don't hinder the Trinder

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Re: The funny corner

Post by ALF » Sat Apr 29, 2017 12:21 am

MultipleJesuses wrote:
ALF wrote:Darlow could have his own blooper reel this season in fairness.
He's made about 4 mistakes? One of which he recovered amazingly.
4's quite a lot for one goalkeeper over a season. Especially as they've all been pretty spectacular.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sat Apr 29, 2017 12:59 pm

daib0 wrote:This is actually quite funny. Tony Adams first training session at new club Granada!

Take a look at this Tweet:
Result today:

Real Sociedad 2 - 1 Granada

Granada are mathmatically relegated to the second tier. Well, that didn't work out, did it?

Shame Osasuna also go down though, they've got fantastic support. Third team almost surely to be Sporting Gijon from Asturias
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Tue May 02, 2017 10:10 pm

My mate hired an eastern European as a cleaner, took her ten hours to do the hoovering.

- Turns out she's a Slovak...
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Re: The funny corner

Post by biggeordiedave » Tue May 02, 2017 10:40 pm

My mate said he was listening to 'Lub Tropicana' the other day. I said to him "surely you mean Club Tropicana", but he argued the toss that it was 'Lub'. A quick Google search proved I was correct and when I told him he replied "Well all that's missing is the C."
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Thu May 04, 2017 8:41 pm

Image
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri May 12, 2017 9:40 pm

GOALKEEPER plays being 'dead' ...

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri May 12, 2017 9:44 pm

My mate David is a victim of ID theft.

Now we just call him ‘Dav’ ...
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Beatski » Fri May 12, 2017 9:51 pm

<laugh>

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Re: The funny corner

Post by MultipleJesuses » Sat May 13, 2017 1:07 am

daib0 wrote:My mate David is a victim of ID theft.

Now we just call him ‘Dav’ ...
<laugh> That's awful
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Re: The funny corner

Post by lassassinblanc » Thu May 18, 2017 11:29 am

I invented a new word today

Plagiarism
I'll Hazard a guess

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri May 19, 2017 9:11 am

Children Are Quick

____________________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Jim , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
JIM : No, sir. It's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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