The funny corner

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lblancsson
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Re: The funny corner

Post by lblancsson » Fri May 19, 2017 12:36 pm

My friend asked me to be usher at his wedding, said I'd learn some of his songs but wouldn't be able to do the dance moves
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OverseersmademesupportenglandTOON
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Re: The funny corner

Post by OverseersmademesupportenglandTOON » Fri May 19, 2017 12:44 pm

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker but when I got home, all the signs were there.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by PLS » Fri May 19, 2017 6:58 pm

I think this thread needs renaming <disgrace>
<cheers> ............ ......... <cheers>

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri May 19, 2017 8:27 pm

PLS wrote:I think this thread needs renaming <disgrace>
no problem on my part ...


or you mean nothing is funny <urgh>
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Re: The funny corner

Post by PLS » Sat May 20, 2017 10:34 am

<laugh>

More on the quality of the jokes
<cheers> ............ ......... <cheers>

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bigbelgiandave
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Re: The funny corner

Post by bigbelgiandave » Sat May 20, 2017 12:41 pm

These are the level below Dad jokes.
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sat May 20, 2017 3:56 pm

A Lack of goals by Middlesbrough this season


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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Tue May 23, 2017 12:39 pm

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stockmarket, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it ?" asks Maureen.
"Pretty much the way you do,"responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.
He's got only a teeny, weeny member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.
"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow...."
"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears.
With each pull,his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you ?"
"It was horrible," he replies.
"All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Tue May 23, 2017 12:44 pm

THE ITALIAN WEDDING

I was a very happy man. My wonderful Italian girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year. So we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over. 'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.

She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to m e that she had feelings and desires for me. She couldn't overcome them anymore.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married. She said "Before you commit your life to my sister".

Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said, "if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment. Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me. He said, 'My son, we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family my son.'


And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car!!
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Blještav Benny
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Blještav Benny » Wed May 24, 2017 3:31 pm

<laugh>
I'm the scumbag outlaw. You're the pillar of justice. Neither of us like looking at ourselves in the mirror. Do we have a deal?


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Re: The funny corner

Post by bigbelgiandave » Sun Jun 04, 2017 11:38 am

I'm sure you've all seen it, but I'm not on Twitter so don't get to see these things when they're new!

[tweet][/tweet]
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sun Jun 18, 2017 11:23 am

If you think it's hot, you should try living in Spain, current days around 35-44º C ...


Proof -



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<laugh>
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sun Jun 18, 2017 10:05 pm

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Toondes
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Toondes » Tue Jun 20, 2017 1:14 pm

Did you hear about the thalidomide porn star ?

He had an arm like a babies cock
Last edited by Toondes on Thu Jul 20, 2017 7:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
# stolen from nufc.com :)

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Tue Jul 18, 2017 7:38 pm

A Tommy Cooper one coming up ...

“Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine'.”

!!
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Re: The funny corner

Post by lblancsson » Wed Jul 19, 2017 7:57 am

I think my wife is hallucinating she keeps telling me she is seeing other people
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Thu Jul 20, 2017 9:04 am

The new Iphone really is the mutts nuts.
I can see where Millwall and Preston are in the league this season without having to scroll down!

<laugh>
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Toondes » Thu Jul 20, 2017 8:03 pm

I was walking down the street with my mate when we were kids and we seen a dog licking its balls .

My mate said " I wish I could do that"

I said " ask him he might let ya".

That did actually happen btw
# stolen from nufc.com :)

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sun Jul 23, 2017 11:19 am

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